Dog shaming for humans who move like idiots

people shaming for poor movingWhat if pet shaming was a thing that expanded beyond Fido and Fluffy? What if it was acceptable behavior to shame the people you’ve helped move? All those poor behaviors written clearly out of a board and hung around their neck for all the world to see how they’ve wasted time, energy and resources. Bonus points if a photo is to be taken at the end of the long moving day while they are sweaty and dirty and unattractive? How satisfying would that be?

Is this mean spirited? Whatever, you know you’ve internally complained about these same people before. Like the quote that came from Dan Harmon I posted a few months back, “One minute you’re carrying a box because you want to help your friend, the next minute, you’re carrying the same box to be a good person and a few steps later, after not getting some thank you you decided you deserved, you’re carrying a box because your asshole friend is a selfish piece of shit and you can’t wait to move out of your house just to make him lift a piano and you hope it crushes him to death.” Maybe your thoughts haven’t been this intense but surely you’ve been left longing for some sort of acknowledgment for your efforts/energies/time/resources.

makes you want to drive the moving truck off a cliffI’m not saying if I had the opportunity to shame the people I love for being inadequately prepared for their move that I absolutely would. I have too much compassion and empathy and realize what a giant PITA moving is and that life happens and not everything can be accounted for and life happens which means not everything can go according to a plan you thought you carefully calculated. I mean, I hold my friends and loved ones to (sometimes impossibly) high standards but I can still acknowledge we are all human and, well, shit happens. Maybe if I lived in an alternate universe where this shaming behavior was acceptable (our human-ness became less so? But wouldn’t that mean these behaviors would also mean less, we would put less weight into these silly interactions? We would help somebody move and we wouldn’t feel they “owe” us something like preparedness, organization, or gratitude. So maybe this alternate universe doesn’t exist, it never could exist because to let go of the things that make us human mean they would no longer bother us even if we had the opportunity to shame them. I mean, I just got into science fiction in the last year because I grew up assuming it was about science and space and some boring tech stuff but really! Really it’s about exploring the limits of being human in a different environment like the deep south or NYC or fucking rush hour traffic. I’m so happy I opened myself up to scifi because it’s been a really great journey. I’m sure you, the reader, was really worried about my current state of reading materials so I’m glad that’s out in the open now. All that because the alternate universe.)

Poorly packed and ready to moveSo what if you could shame your friends for their bad moving behavior? What sign would you hang around their neck? What would you complain about? This is, of course, all in vain somebody will read this and be more prepared for their helper friends. Also, get it off your chest. Let it go, put it out there and set yourself free! It’s liberating! Lucky for you, I have some ideas to get you started if you’re complainer-shy.

I didn’t get everything packed so instead of loading the moving van, my moving party had to pack/clean/organize instead. My three hour moving event turned into six hours.

Instead of labeling the boxes and furniture that belong in the storage unit I reserved ahead of time, I let it get randomly loaded into the moving truck without reason. This made my movers load, unload and reload the moving truck. I wasted their time and energy.

I never thanked my movers. Not with words or gratitude or money or a meal or a thank you gift. I am an asshole that nobody will ever help move again.  Next time I ask for help I will be upset everybody is magically out of town.

I did not purge anything and instead of being a good move, it was like an episode of hoarders. I should have hired professional movers because I don’t know enough people to shorten the time efforts of the people who used to love me.

Alright, you guys. Do good things. Read good books. Get into science fiction! And most importantly, don’t make your loved ones shame you for your terrible moving practices. Do the things you need to do to get ready. I know they’re not fun, obviously they are not fun. Obviously there’s other ways to spend your time and money but do it so you don’t waste everybody else’s time and money. Okie dokie. Adios.

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