It’s (not officially but come-on, close enough) Spring! You’re retiring cabin fever and getting out of your godforsaken home into the sunshine and vitamin D to chase the SADs away. Warmer, longer, brighter, happier , more positive days are here, my friends. Woohoo. You’re probably already drunk on sunshine. You’re like Davy Crocket out there in the bright world discovering all the artifacts that were covered and preserved under the multiple snowpocalypse storms of the winter. I have a friend in Chicago who found an entire bag of chocolate chip cookies looking fresh as the day they were baked. Another person discovered their long lost iPhone under a pile of snow. Miraculously it still worked and wasn’t even shattered. Crazy world we live in. What a beautiful season Spring is, right? I know it’s not for a couple more days, the Spring Equinox is Thursday but it’s Spring in our hearts!
Let’s chat about some of the ways you can start to shed those winter hibernation layers you packed on the last few months. You know, the ones you’ve been piling on in the cold months telling yourself, it’s cool, you know you’re not this giant and puffy in real life. Like real life is a season other than six feet of snow. You know once winter ends you won’t continue to resemble to marshmallow man from Ghost Busters. (RIP Harold Ramis!) Let’s get ready for Spring dresses and outdoor music festivals and ugh, bikini season together.
- Start by removing the actual layers! You don’t need those smartwool long johns and wool socks and boots and puffy jackets. Whew! You’ve lost 10 pounds already, look how slim and attractive you are. Feel how strong and light you are. Notice how much easier it is to have good posture. Damn, son, im-prove-ment! And! You don’t look like a blog anymore. You have elbow bones and noticeable back fat. Whoops, that’s a layer that will be a little harder to take off. Pack those extra alyers away into storage for next year. So freeing.
- Try dieting. I personally recommend the moving diet. It’s this hip new diet I just made up where you get all of your physical activity and strength building activities by packing all your stuff in boxes and moving it to a new home. I know, I know, it is a complex diet so let’s walk through some of the specifics. Or, at the least, this is a diet full of complex carbs. One) Moving requires you to purge all the things you don’t want. It’s physical weight being removed from your life. That’s probably hundreds of pounds! Hundreds! Especially if you looked around and decided that spouse or partner you’ve been hanging onto a little too long needs to go. Hundreds of so last season pounds gone. Two) Moving requires you to use your arms, hands, legs, torso, to stand sit walk and occasionally demonstrate your new strength by hurling an item across the room in a fit of rage or frustration or exhaustion. So many calories have been burned. So many pounds lost. Of course, during thi time you will need to properly fuel up with fatty and comples carbs like pizza! And hot cheetos. While other health coaches may tell you, Everything In Moderation and, CAREFUL with all those carbs, I’m telling you to throw caution to the wind. Pizza soothes your soul. It fills your belly. Everybody smiles when pizza is delivered. Also, during this time of stress calories don’t count. I’ll repeat myself. Calories. Don’t. Count. Everybody knows this! It’s written into the constitution, I believe. Plus really full, heavy moving boxes counteracts all the calories you aren’t counting because they don’t count. It’s like eating celery. Three) If you don’t believe me about the no calories thing, you have A LOT of stuff you’re going to need to move. That legit burns.
- Have you tried shedding emotional weight? You have no idea how freeing for bikini season it is to look around and loose that baggage. Your shoulders and back feel lighter instantly. Take all that is weighing down your heart and self-esteem and simply set it down and walk through the door without it on. It’s almost like your new life is in a nudist colony, that’s how naked you might feel without all your familiar safety blankets of issues to carry around. Flaunt your new self. Talk about the weight you lost this way. This is about Letting Go Of The Things That Do Not Serve You.
Look at you, you are gorgeous now! Ready for bikini season like you didn’t just spend four month stuck indoors eating cookies and drinking hot toddies. Check yourself out, look at that speedo / bikini-ready bod.
Think you don’t have a bikini body yet? Check this out, I have the perfect solution for you.
Do you have a body? Yes, check!
Do you have a bikini? Yes, check!
Put bikini on body.
I bet you didn’t know it was so easy to transition seasons. I’m glad we got to chat about this today, I’m here for you, boo. As for the Spring cleaning… you’re on your own with that.